Marriage is a good thing if you do it right. One of the ways to make sure you are doing it right is to honestly answer these 6 questions you have to ask yourself before getting married.
To some, getting married is like one of the most dreaded things to do. This is especially true for young people who are just starting to enjoy the most exciting time of their life: new careers, salaries that can afford them to travel, buy a brand new car, rent or even buy a house. I can’t blame them, why throw all these away by getting married, right?
To be honest, marriage is the most mysterious, and maybe the riskiest event in a person’s life. Marrying the wrong person could ruin your life, dreams and future.
However, if you choose, plan and prepare wisely, marriage could be the most exciting phase of your life.
But before you commit to this big life responsibility, you need to ask yourself some questions. Here are the 6 questions you have to ask before getting married.
1. Are you ready to be faithful?
Are you absolutely sure you can commit to just one partner for eternity? Ok, you say you love the man you’re with and you are thinking you are ready to marry him.
This is the first question you have to ask yourself before getting married.
Ask yourself if you are ready to love only him and stay faithful to only him for the next 50 to 70 years?
However, if you’re not tired of experimenting and exploring the world, especially sexual admiration and suggestive romantic remarks from men, you can’t settle down with a single lover, yet.
You have to deliberately stop yourself from wishing other men can be yours. It is better to stay single if that man is not all you want romantically and sexually.
If you aren’t satisfied with him as a lover, then you need to reconsider getting married to him. Be honest with yourself.
Are you 100% sure that he is the right man for you (and you won’t look for another partner anymore)?
Are you convinced that you can be responsible to be faithful to him alone? If your answer to the two questions is uncertain, you better stop and reconsider everything before making a decision.
It’s better for you to stay single for more years than settle down with an undecided mind and heart.
2. Are you ready to manage finances with a partner for life?
A messed up financial status is one of the most common reasons for separation and divorce. Do you think you can be a good steward of the money that both you and your future spouse can derive from your sources of income?
In case your family goes through a financial setback, would you be strong enough to handle it? Do you consider yourself successful in handling your finances? In case you are, that’s cool. If not, try your best to improve your financial management skill.
Read up, attend seminars and workshops. The faster you can learn to enhance your ability to handle finances, the better it will be for your family.
Are you ready to learn about having a healthy marriage through books, blogs, relationship workshops, and by observing married couples?
We all agree that experience is the best teacher. But we can’t overemphasized the importance of learning from the experience of others.
This is why you need to ask yourself this 2nd question before you get married. Are you willing to be a life long learner in your marriage.
You have to realize that this institution called marriage is a dynamic one, you have to keep learning what works and what doesn’t work in your marriage at every stage of the marriage process.
Good books on marriage can help you get a good background on what you should expect and what you must know about marriage and the new life you are about to embark on.
Self-improvement and relationship blogs can also give you invaluable information about how to have a healthy relationship in marriage.
Also, depending on the church you belong to there are numerous seminars and workshops you can take advantage of.
One of the best ways to learn about marriage is by observing other married couples to know what works and what doesn’t work for them. From there you can deduce how you want to run your home.
How many kids will you have?
Before getting married you have to decide if you want to have kids. If yes, then are you emotionally, psychologically and financially capable of taking care of a baby.
Some individuals don’t want kids. For some, it’s not because they hate children; it’s just that they can’t afford to have children, perhaps because they are too busy with their careers and they don’t want any additional responsibilities.
For those who are planning to have kids, they have to consider their existing income and their future income so that they can figure out how many children they can afford to handle.
You also have to consider the type of life you want to offer your kids and factor it in while considering the number of kids you want.
Settle this issue once and for all before saying “I do”.
Are you ready to be flexible with your religion or faith matters?
Religion is a big part of a person’s life. So prior to committing to a lifelong commitment, it’s best to review your fiancé’s religion and yours.
I know a lot of people who have given up their faith in order to marry the person they love. Some decided to be faithful to the religion they have grown up with, so, they agree in advance how they are going to treat each other even though they profess the same faith.
I have to point out, though, that mixed religion/faith is a complicated issue in a family so it’s recommended to talk it out with your partner who, between you two, will give up his/her religion in order to have a more harmonious worship time and ultimately a more unified family.
Ask yourself, if giving up your faith to adopt a new faith or religion will take a toll on the relationship you have with God.
Remember that nothing should take the place of God in your life, so always make a decision that will be in the best interest of your relationship with God Almighty.
What about sex?
Of course, this list will be incomplete without discussing sex. Yes, we’re definitely going to talk about sex. What are your expectations about sex in marriage?
Do you have any fantasies? How will you cope if your fantasies aren’t fulfilled in marriage? Would it cause you to become unfaithful to your future spouse? Are you ready to learn new techniques to improve your sex life in marriage?
Sex is a big part of the married life, so you must ask yourself these questions before getting married.
I wasn’t sexually active before marriage. I and my husband are practicing Christians and we both believe that sex was only within the confines of marriage. But that did not stop us from talking about sex and our expectations from each other after marriage.
We talked about limits and the types of sex we can’t practice and the ones we were both willing to try out. We read books on sex in marriage and discussed it. So being a Christian is not a reason not to discuss sex while courting.
If you don’t discuss your sexual fantasies with him and hear his own, you could end up having issues in marriage when you discover that you have different sexual and romantic needs and fantasies.
The key to a satisfied sexual life for a married couple is to think of the needs of your spouse and ways to satisfy it. This is why it is necessary to know what his sexual fantasies are in marriage and his expectations in order to help you make an informed decision.
Once you’ve answered these question, next is to ask yourself if you are willing to do what it takes to satisfy your future spouse.
Are you ready to let go of your preformed sexual beliefs and inhibitions and partake in some types of sexual activity in order to satisfy your future spouse?
“Make sure your sexuality is copacetic,” says Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a marriage and family therapist. She specializes in sex therapy and her word is weighty in this area.
Weston adds “Be specific with each other and discuss what you can and cannot tolerate, and be clear on what your bottom-line expectations are around sex.” Need I say more? She’s straightforward.
Just to clarify things, throw away all those inhibitions out the window and be blunt with your lover. Sex life is a critical area of a couple’s life however, we look at it.
So, it is better to discuss it with the one you love before going ahead with the marriage.
Good Luck as you make answer these 6 questions you must ask yourself before getting married. And for taking the next step.
Are there more questions you think should be added to this list? I’d love to hear from you, so comment below.
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